Tigira's Times

hehehe
( don't know if it's a spoiler... )

We just found out that we really need a babysitter on Saturday 9/19 starting no later than 4:30 PM and going, well, late. Probably around midnight,

Can anyone help?

I need to figure out what to wear tomorrow. Huh. Wow.
I have no clue.
None at all.

I'd say, "Can I go home, now?" except I am at home.
What I really want is to hide under the covers and come out with everything figured out.

So, as a result of various medical things last week, I am OFF my vitamins (except D) for at least another week. I understand why, but, really, it irks me. I have SUCH a hard time controlling my cravings when I'm not taking my daily multi. Really.
At least I have my appetite back? Except I have an appetite for CRAP. Honestly, if I could currently live on cookies, I would. It's that bad. I want cookies, with just enough cold milk to dunk them in the milk.

I don't even want coffee.
I want cookies.

Maybe brownies.

GAH!

Food TASTES good, don't get me wrong. But I don't DESIRE healthy food right now.
And that REALLY bothers me.
I really want to want healthy food.
I DON'T want to crave pizza and mac & cheese.
That's just wrong. I'm not a college student anymore!

And to add to all that, I just got my first nasty zit in I don't know how long.
I scar dark. I hope it fades by the wedding.
*sigh*

It was good. I like meeting new people that "click."
:)

Now to bed with me, but first a few other things.

Thinking about what would feed my soul -

As for work, I'd love to do something that did such a thing. I know I don't really belong where I am, no matter how good I am at this.
At one time I looked at attending the New England School of Acupuncture, but there are some classes that I need at an undergrad level that I'd need to go back to school to get. I'd have to be full time for probably two years to manage to get them in. Maybe one. I don't know if I'm capable of that in my life, now. I might be. I don't know.

So, what do I do now?

I was talking with M about this last night. It was a good conversation. There might NOT be a career for me that doesn't do such a thing. There might be. We'll have to see. We don't even know if we can make it work. However, there are things that make me think. I have a degree in religious studies for a reason. It's intriguing. It fascinated me to no end - how people manage or don't manage religion, faith (NOT the same thing), practice, and community in their lives. Some recent conversations have spurred me to wonder, and now I think I need to look into this more...

1. Why does it seem (and this could be off, I'd need data to determine this) that there is a greater percentage of women with fertility issues in the Craft than in the general population?

2. It seems that the way most Americans approach religion, even non-Christian traditions, with something reminiscent of the country's Puritan roots. Many of us try to shed the Christian stuff if we were brought up with it, but some of the Puritan expectations and attitudes are still there.

Number 1 probably has limited information available for me, so it may just be something for conjecture as I go this road.
Number 2 means that I may start asking people questions about their practice of religion or lack thereof (whether just uninterested or vehemently anti-religion, which can be a bit religious in itself). If you don't want to engage in these conversations, just tell me so. I know it can be weird for some people. Know that I'm not asking to change minds. I'll be asking because I really want to know.

If you WANT to be included in this, too, please let me know. I certainly don't want to overlook anyone who is itching to share...

It's next weekend.
I sent out invitations.
I asked for RSVP's.
Most have not responded.
Those that have, except for one, cannot make it.
They're all on vacation away somewhere.

Crap.
So far, F is getting ONE kid at his birthday party.
One.
Looks like it might be followed by dinner at Chuck E Cheese. :(
Either that or we need to invite different friends. I figured that since he went to the parties of the kids from school, at least some would come to his.
I was wrong.

Then again, I was wrong about other things, too.
The family that's not too old or injured to attend our wedding is having financial difficulties.
Most of who we were inviting is family.
And that just sucks.
Ugh.

Life's been busy, so posting hasn't happened, much.
I've been pampering myself a bit, lately. Still losing weight slowly. I MIGHT be down to my weight of two winters ago by the wedding.
I might be about 5 pounds up from that.
Doesn't matter, I'll feel good, either way.

Work is busy busy busy. It's also a bit soul-sucking. Still, I had a stellar mid-year review. It seems I'm really doing what I need to be doing on these new accounts. In two weeks I spend another day in an attorney's office in NY. I'll be doing that in accounting and attorney offices in NY a lot more often, now. Fortunately, I can get online on the train.

So, yeah, pampering - salon type pampering. Waxing appointments (whee!), hands and feet. I also got a card for a 1 hour massage from a massage therapist friend. Happy 40th to me! Woohoo!!!! I plan to REALLY enjoy that.

Wedding plans are falling into place. The dinner tasting was fun. I amused the function manager with my "book," until I told her that I used to do what she was doing. Oh. Now that all made sense. Of COURSE I would stay on their menus and such except for vegetarians. Of COURSE I would automatically assume that all candles had to be surrounded by water. I've had to tell people that.

Anyway, yeah.

Oh, and F is talking more. This weekend I was having some wasabi peas, and he took them away from me, saying, "No, Mama! Hurt mouf! Not nice! NO!" Gotta love the empathy. He didn't believe me that I like that hurt. Oh, well.

I wish I could figure out what my subconscious was trying to work out with this.

Dad came to visit us here, at this house that we bought after he died. He told me I should move back to Wausau, that he really wanted me there, and that we needed to leave in a week. So I quit my job and we got in the car and drove to Wausau.

I got there, and heard from meadmaker. He and F would not be coming.

I fell apart. How could my father think that I'd be happy leaving M and F behind? I couldn't even get a job to afford to go back to Boston.

And I was in tears constantly.


Honestly, as much as I miss my dad, and I wish he were still around, I wouldn't give up the family I have for him to come back. And I wish I could live near my mother and sister, but not to the point that I'd give up M and F.

Now to get ready for work.