Tigira's Times

We made it there and back again!  I loved it.  F loved it.  I think M had a great time, too.

On our way up to the cabin, we stopped at a rest stop (bought some local wine to try while on our vacation), and F found the pamphlets for the attractions in the area.  F picked out Storyland right away, and when I told him he had to choose between that and Santa's Village, he chose Storyland.  So we had the start of a plan.

We arrived on Friday at about noon - unloaded into the cabin, put the cold stuff in the fridge, and went to Clark's Trading Post.  On the way there, F announced that he loved NH, and he wants to live there when he grows up.  He was very specific that he wants to live there with his two kids and their mama, but first he has to find the girl to be the mama.  This was a recurring theme through the weekend.  He's very adamant about the two kids.  I suppose that being an only child gets to be difficult for a kid who thrives on being surrounded by other kids when there aren't a lot of cousins and such around.  Still, he is good at entertaining himself. 

After Clark's Trading Post, F and I went swimming while Daddy slept.  Then dinner, which was the only time we had burgers, even though most cooking was on the grill. 

Saturday was Storyland, followed by swimming again.  The cabins had a heated pool, so that was nice.  F kept finding kids to play with throughout the weekend.  It's sometimes fun to watch him engage other kids.  He is of the opinion that everyone is a friend until they prove otherwise.  My dad was like that.  I admire that ability to be so open to other people, and I hope he keeps that.  I know with Dad, it meant that most people tried not to disappoint him. 

We managed to eat out only once, and that was more by choice than necessity.

Sunday was uncertain, though we were toying with going to Lost River.  When F confirmed that he wanted to see waterfalls and crawl through caves, that was then a certainty.  We went out to lunch after that (almost to the place that served us bad food with bad service last time we went), and have discovered that bad lunch service seems to be normal in the area.  It's even more difficult when you have a little one with you that really wants to eat, NOW.  We did, however, discover that he likes fried mozzarella sticks.

This morning was a last hurrah on the playground at the cabins, then into the packed van to drive home.  F was glad to get home, as were we all, though a longer stay would also have been nice.  F already has a plan for next year's trip up there.  We will likely stay at the same cabins, because they're not far from Santa's Village.  We can go to Polar Caves on our way up there, then have a nice relaxing time.  We could even do a day at the Flume Gorge, or waterfall hunting.

So, yes, a good time was had by all.  And now, back to real life.

It's no surprise that at one time I was accustomed to Wisconsin winter. That is, I was accustomed to north central Wisconsin winters, where it gets colder in the winter than it does in Alaska. I used to be amused by that.

This morning proved some of this, too. Before running the dryer this morning, I had to shovel out the vent. It was covered and the snow went up over a foot. That's not a good thing. I wasn't dressed, yet. So, in my nightshirt, I put on boots and a coat and went to shovel it out.

When I got back in, I said, "It's not that cold out." Then I saw Weatherbug. It was 17F. Oh.

Oh.

It was that cold. It just didn't seem it. So, sometimes it's no surprise that I was once accustomed to Wisconsin winters.

We all got up at a good time - none before six or after seven. This works with the events for the day. Kiddo is finally eating his breakfast.

Last night's party did a great job at reducing my underlying anxiety, and if I manage to make it to the Diesel this week, the social outlets may give me what I need to not have another anxiety attack for a while. At this point, I'm really looking forward to Arisia for massive social time. As long as there's social time amongst the massive crowds, it'll be great.

I love the fact that we're starting to make our own cheese. :) Need to order some vegetable rennet, now.

In the next two days, most of the decorations are coming down. The season is nearly over, but it's not like our house will look bare. Too much "controlled clutter," for that to be a concern.

Stepped on the scale this morning, and I was 2 pounds down from two weeks ago. This is nice. I like that. So tonight is candle inventory (and maybe clean out some votive holders), and takeout, followed by the rest of the night of stitchery of some sort. I'll either work on the purse for my sister or the stuff for myself. I want to get the wristies done for myself to 1: test out the pattern before making it for other people, 2: keep my hands warm at the office!

I'm getting my nails "done" again. I enjoyed that, I like the way my hands look when I do this, too. I'll get them done again, with a pedicure, just before Arisia. Now to get ready for the busy day, while F tells a story about me having to push Daddy's car and how heavy it is. *sigh* Never had to do that, but he's amusing.

Ok, it's not so much a fear. Once upon a time I was comfortable about going to unfamiliar social situations and just seeing if it was going to be fun. It's been a long time, and I am a little shy. (Really, though, not as shy as I once was).

I want to get out and see people again, though. I want to be social. I want to be comfortable in social situations again. So...

I'm doing it.
meadmaker is picking up the little guy on Tuesday and I'm going to a coffee house where some people I know (and many I don't) meet up. I'm nervous about this, but I'm doing it.
Now, I won't get there before 5. There's just no way, and I don't know how timing goes with this thing, but I suppose I'll find out. If everyone has gone, already, then I'll have my book and a cup of tea and head home - I'll be disappointed, but it's not a tragedy. I'm hoping it's a positive experience.

If I'm really lucky, meadmaker will be making the polenta for dinner that's on the menu for that night.

I need to pull out of my shell again, and this time I've gone much deeper than in the past.

Risk

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
-Charles Du Bos

And the real truth is that we need to be able to sacrifice at any moment who we think we are for who we truly are. When we can take that risk, and recognize that we are more than the roles we have taken on, that we are defined not by what we do, but by who we are, then we're there. Then we've made it.
-Lissa Coffey


This is my struggle. I embody a lot of Cancer's foibles - it's hard for me to let go of security. When I was single and not a parent it was much easier, but now that I have people who depend on me, I am unable to step out of my comfort zone with such ease.

What gets me is that I do find myself much happier when I take those self-defining risks. I just am not sure what to do about that, now...
Well, I have some ideas, but since my current stress is not enough time with the people I love as it is, that would not be a good idea.

Our entire house is now vaccinated for seasonal influenza.
Only F is vaccinated for H1N1. meadmaker and I are not high risk, and not within any of the categories that it's being recommended for at this time.

It only took a half hour wait at the town hall in Winchester.
Whew.

Ok.

We're heading to the Museum of Science today for the Harry Potter exhibit. We're leaving in a few minutes, actually. I figure by going early we don't hit the "I'm tired" problems we sometimes have with the kiddo.

F's teachers think he's right on track for kindergarten. I still don't know. There are two girls in his class who go on telling me that F doesn't speak the same language they do, that's why he's hard to understand. I understand him most of the time, now, and he's getting better at pronunciations, but he has difficulty forming words. It seems to be a disconnect between brain and mouth muscles. He has to learn each sound specifically. He understands a great deal, including somewhat complex concepts. He just has a hard time SAYING it.

This one thing makes me feel like a horrible parent. I feel like I missed something important. It's crazy, I know. But I was talking really early and taught myself to read before I was 3. (Ok, he reads a little bit, too). I remember being bored throughout elementary school because even the gifted classes were doing what I did on my own at home a while ago. Now I look at my kid and he's starting to have difficulty with social situations because he doesn't speak clearly. It breaks my heart because he loves people SO MUCH, and he's SO gregarious that this rejection cuts off the thing he really excels at.

And besides the speech therapy and the special ed classes and begging the speech therapist to give us exercises for home (she doesn't always do that, which seems weird), I don't know what to do.

But, time to put that down and go do a fun family thing - off to the Harry Potter exhibit!

Weird. My son adores the Pink Panther. I just don't get it.
Laundry is half done. F is going upstairs to rest (we don't use the "N" word, anymore), and M is sleeping on the red chair.

So I'm trying to find new ways to manage the high protein high fiber breakfast that I need. I'm pretty sick of eggs with spinach, onions, and mushrooms with my fruit and yogurt snack a little later.

This morning I tried a Hungry Girl Egg-Mug recipe.  Well, I adapted it.  First I took a Zyrtec, so that I could eat what I was hankering for, then I made the basic egg mug, and added a bunch of picante sauce and 1/4 c. of fat free cheddar.  It's incredibly yummy.  I think I can at least manage this one for the week.  Then next week I'll figure out something else for breakfasts.

In other news, I'm super teary lately.  I'm midcycle, so it shouldn't be hormones.  I shouldn't be pregnant, we're actively avoiding that because of the methotrexate still floating around, the tube healing, and the megadoses of vitamin D that I'm on right now.  But I started weeping while watching Drumline yesterday.  (I went to a high school and was in a marching band that performed like that, and they are some awesome memories - I'm still in touch with people from that band).  I cried at Astro Boy with F and M and M and R yesterday.  They were the same parts where F got emotional, too, but, still - cry at Astro Boy?

Then this morning I got teary when I read that one Republican supported the House health care expansion (Anh Cao from Louisiana).

What the heck? 

We carved a couple of pumpkins yesterday. It was fun - but what was really cool was that a seed in one of the pumpkins had sprouted.

Very nice.

It was a good Samhain.